admin But as any serious himbo head knows, the trophy for Achievement in Group Sports Himboism this year could only go to the Philadelphia Phillies, a baseball team comprised of 26 men from the Zoolander extended universe. The Phils may have fallen short of their World Series dreams, but perhaps the real World Series is playing ball with your boys and showing a little skin while you do it. I’d argue that, with Kelce having been slightly corrupted by the show biz machine, these Phillies possess the purest current form of sports himboism. A true himbo doesn’t know what Amiri is. What a true himbo does know is how to crush some freaking beers. Led by total sweetie pies Nick Castellanos, Garrett Stubbs, and Alec Bohm, the Phillies deleted a whole lot of Budweiser after both of their series-clinching wins in the playoffs. That brings us to Bryce Harper, the responsible himbo. Harper—unquestionably the Phillies’ best player—does not drink. That doesn’t disqualify him from this conversation, though. You know what himbos love? Mascots. And boy, does Bryce Harper love the Phillie Phanatic. So much so, in fact, that at various points of the season, Harper paid homage to the goofy green giant on his cleats, headband, shin guard, belt, and arm brace—which he needed because he returned to the field less than six months after major surgery! Himbos are simply more powerful than medical science. Look it up.
What this year in sports really taught us is that there’s hope for himbos all over this big and confusing world. A fun-loving dude from Ohio who doesn’t know how to spell squirrel can begin the year by winning his second Super Bowl and be dating a pop star by the end of it. A man who can’t identify a map of England can conquer not only English soccer, but the entire European continent. If you’re a sports fan reading this at home and thinking, I’m not too bright, but I can run real fast, jump real high, and have a pure heart beating in my chest, 2023 was for you and your people. Thank you for all that you do.
