Accidental Celibacy Changed My Sex Life For The Better

Sex has always been competitive for me. When I heard that one friend had had her first sexual experience, I quickly followed suit. I treated my first sexual encounters as things to be gotten over with — I didn’t want to lose the race. From then on, my sex life became a game and I found myself equating my self-worth with my sexual experiences. I treated dry spells as if they must be vanquished and chose sexual partners largely based on appearances. I’m not ashamed to admit I’d look for those who would make me look cool by proximity: the lead singer, the tattooed guy. Whenever I did have a boyfriend, it felt like a novelty until eventually I got bored. More often than not, I lost interest because my perception of them didn’t line up with who they actually were. I was obsessed with ticking sexual experiences off the list, proving myself and my attractiveness via my conquests, and priding myself on my ability to get any guy I wanted (even the ones in relationships). I rarely tried to have sex I actually enjoyed.