admin Buckle up, friends, because I’ve been waiting for the movie adaptation of Fiona Rosenbloom’s You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah! ever since I was a tween reading the original YA novel and dreaming of a big, splashy, star-studded, gift-bag-laden entree into Jewish womanhood, like the ones half my classmates on New York City’s Upper West Side were having. (My parents quite sensibly did not let this happen, which I held a grudge about for a long time and am now inordinately grateful for.) OK, to be honest, I didn’t know there was a movie adaptation hitting Netflix until today—but learning that it stars Adam Sandler and Idina Menzel was enough to get me to press “play.” Below, find all the thoughts I had during the film:
- Aw, this intro about how different cultures celebrate coming-of-age is kind of cute.
- Is this movie going to reopen all my emotional wounds from middle school?
- I feel like people often think lavish bar and bat mitzvah stories are exaggerated, but I distinctly remember being dropped off for one at the Rainbow Room. (When I think about how much money that tween party must have cost, I get a little bit nauseous, but at the time it rocked.)
- Aw, Adam Sandler’s two daughters are in this? I’m crying.
- You know, I thought I’d relate to the bat mitzvah girl in this movie, but I think I’m old enough to relate to…Idina Menzel? Life comes at you fast.
- “Hi, Andy, I like your yarmulke” is peak Semitic teen flirtation.
- Oh, wow, I do remember being exactly this piercingly angry at my mother when she wouldn’t let me wear heels to eighth-grade graduation.
- LMAO, I also remember walking like a baby deer in my very first pair of kitten heels. This movie is so real so far.
- I don’t remember being this much of a little bitch to my dad, but maybe he would recall it differently.
- Bat mitzvah themes! Thank God I didn’t have one, because at that time in my life I probably would have chosen “The Rent movie” or “Tumblr.”
- Oh, this girl wants a yacht on the Hudson? Please don’t get that for her, Adam and Idina.
- And Olivia Rodrigo? I do hope that cameo happens in this film, but I’m against it in spirit.
- “Listen, when I got bar mitzvahed we had a party in Grandma’s basement” is peak “Jewish dad retort to ludicrously lavish bat mitzvah requests,” and I love it.
- This contouring video is killing me.
- God, girls are so mean.
- Is Stacy’s crush wearing Online Ceramics? Iconic.
- SARAH SQUIRM!
- Her crochet vest is killing me.
- I am contact-anxious about this sleepover.
- I hope tween girls are this chill about queerness now, but I kind of doubt it.
- I wish Stacy would notice this cute kid Mateo, who keeps being nice to her!
- Oh, shit, are Lydia and Stacy’s crush Andy hitting it off? Girl betrayal!
- I can’t believe Stacy just jumped off a cliff into water! I desperately wanted to be popular at her age too, but not enough to…do daring athletic stuff.
- Oh, God, she loses her pad? At least the girls are standing up for her!
- “DJ Shmuley,” LMAO.
- These boys made up a TikTok dance about Stacy losing her pad? Are you ready to die, Andy Goldfarb?
- Oh, shit, the popular kids are all at Lydia’s house!
- Okay, yep, middle school trauma coming riiiiiiight up.
- And just like that, Lydia is dating Andy and disinvited from Stacy’s bat mitzvah.
- Olivia Rodrigo needle drop, finally!
- Obsessed with these bubbes who really seem to get it.
- Is there any hurt more painful than watching your BFF laugh it up with the popular girls?
- Love Stacy hatching a plan to steal her best friend’s man by volunteering at his grandma’s retirement home. Hey, it’s still a mitzvah!
- Okay, damn, she’s just negging Lydia to him? This is rough.
- Stacy, no! Don’t AirDrop pictures of yourself to a boy! They’re not trustworthy!
- We love a showdown in the juniors’ dress section at (I think) Bloomingdales!
- Ugh, Stacy, don’t kiss Andy!
- “Welcome to being Jewish, we don’t get breaks” is another solid line.
- “That’s why we fought the Nazis? So you could have a mojito bar?” Damn, the hits just keep coming.
- Oh, God, the embarrassing highlight reel Stacy made accidentally plays at Lydia’s bat mitzvah, and it is…bad.
- Love Rabbi Sarah Squirm’s pink yarmulke!
- Aw, Stacy gives a great haftarah portion and speech, makes up with Lydia, and hits it off with Mateo. I loved this cute little movie!
